American comedian (1894-1956)
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, The Mammoth Book of Zingers, Quips, and One-Liners
A good comedian can say things funny and other guys just say funny things.
FRED ALLEN
The Sunday Press, August 9, 1959
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
FRED ALLEN
Fred Allen's Letters
I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, The Mammoth Book of Comic Quotes
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
FRED ALLEN
Fred Allen's Letters
A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, New York Magazine, Mar. 21, 1994