American comedian (1894-1956)
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
FRED ALLEN
Fred Allen's Letters
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, Make 'Em Laugh: The Funny Business of America
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, The Concise Columbia Dictionary of Quotations
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
FRED ALLEN
Fred Allen's Letters
I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, The Mammoth Book of Comic Quotes
A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, New York Magazine, Mar. 21, 1994